There are so many areas in our life where “good” is a challenging measure. I want to encourage you today that your best is more than enough. Happy Valentines to YOU!
My momma is one of the strongest women I know. She has been through some excruciatingly painful experiences and while she has a pass to explode wherever, whenever, she doesn’t.
Something happened to her recently and it broke me. For 100 reasons it broke me. Everything about the encounter was hurtful and unbelievable and If I told you…I am sure most of your jaws would drop. But then again, would they? I am sadly in awe of how mean women can be to one another.
Ironically, I wrote a piece last week on how beautiful and respectful the women are in my life. As I wrote last week, I caught myself saying well, DUH. I mean … this is so silly and obvious, right? That your people are kind and gracious and broken but at least they’re real? Sadly, ladies, the answer for a majority of us is probably, no. And how presumptuous of me to assume and how sad I feel writing this. I want to cover the other side, the mean and catty and jealous elephant that exists in many women's rooms. Let's talk about why women repeatedly go there, and how we all have moments of weakness? Most importantly let's vow here to work damn hard to be a part of the minority, to be good (friends). Good women, one beautiful and underserved morning at a time.
We have to take an honest inventory of the people in our lives. Are your friends' values aligned with yours? Do you even consider values when choosing your friends? This is important in theory but really hard to practice. You not only need a brave backbone but also need a great deal of conviction. I have been working on this part of friendship for years now. The hardest part? Getting comfortable with saying, no. A lot of times we put ourselves in situations that are actually unhealthy for us. And then we wonder why we feel undone…not everyone wants to practice being a good (huaman-friend).
Human beings are broken. Every one of us has stuff that inevitably will get in our way of being the best version of ourselves and that's OK. When I am able to admit this (humility muscle strengthened) I am always shocked by the peace and freedom I feel in my soul, like a cool breeze sweeping in. The “I have to be perfect” weights drop. I find the more grace I give to myself the more grace I will inadvertently be able to give to others. And if someone in your life doesn’t practice this concept or understand it, that's ok. Just know that there lies your “values” answer.
When I stare at my own brokenness, I try to hug her with open arms, like a baby hugging a puppy. Lol. I don’t want to bury her or avoid her or condemn her because that is truly where my purpose and future live. It is true that those who are mean are actually masking their hurt. So instead of reacting or saying something profane, wait. Think to yourself, ugh she isn’t ok inside. We all carry hurt and we all hurt others too. We won't ever get this grace thing right 100 percent of the time but the more we choose to give it out, the more grace will go back into your tank. God can cover his grace and love over your stuff and transform it. Here are some examples of when we can choose grace: Someone cancels on you, Something isn’t done exactly how you wanted it done, Some says something hurtful to you or is mean to you. Always try and choose, grace.
Everyone reading this know I love you. If I have ever done anything to hurt you, I am sorry! And if your life and seasons have left you feeling distant from people, it is ok. We all wake up to a new morning. We all have endless opportunities to reevaluate and make changes that will hopefully bring freedom…peace… and good (friends:)!
LOTS OF LOVE TODAY! (AND EVERYDAY)
Molly